Monday, August 15, 2016

Guide For a Social Justice Warrior

  1. I am a social justice warrior.
  2. I am immune to criticism and the outside world.
  3. I only exist to bring awareness to semi-important issues.
  4. Everything is triggering.
  5. Everything is a struggle.
  6. Wake up ready to be offended.
  7. Have offensive dreams so I can wake up offended.
  8. Address the constant bullying I get from online forums that I willingly go to each day.
  9. The barrage of abuse that I get while doing the same with no irony.
  10. I  have moral righteousness on my side, so hypocrisy is a four letter word.
  11. I champion feminism and for women to have rights they already have.
  12. I am against misogyny, sexism, domestic violence, and all gender related abuse... of women.
  13. We cannot sit back and allow the mistreatment of women, LGBTQ individuals and sexual minorities. Oh, it's in an Islamic country? Welp, nothing to see here.
  14. Islam is a religion of peace. Yes, it has violent texts and violent sects of Islam...but NOT ALL. Because that's a valid defense. 
  15. I am vocal about Jim and Paul being denied a wedding cake by Christian owners of a bakery, but I'm suspiciously silent on Islam's treatment of gays. Maybe the concept is flying over my head. Nope, that's Jamal being thrown from a roof.
  16. But, when I do talk about Islam, I make sure to use false equivalencies and soft pedal the issue of radicalism. Tee hee.
  17. I equate religion with race. Christianity = White powerful males. Islam= Weak brown people.
  18. I have an ironically racist low standard for minorities to follow when it comes to societal behaviors.
  19. No matter the situation I'm in, it is always someone else's fault.
  20. Minorities are not a monolith. That's why we should take their "minority" card if they stray from groupthink.
  21. We must learn from the past by constantly bringing it up.
  22. Whites are the only group it is okay to lump into an entire group, with no qualifiers or disclaimers.
  23. Pack on the white guilt.
  24. Anyone who disagrees with one point I'm making disagrees with everything I have ever said.
  25. Ruin everything people like.
  26. Push for "diversity" of everything, even in unrealistic settings.
  27. Start online hashtags. Because praying is useless, so let's put a pound sign in front of the problem. Much better.
  28. Black Lives Matter... unfortunately less to black lives, but let's ignore that unpleasant truth and push a narrative of supremacy.
  29. Why not force society to conform to my personal views of beauty instead of me realizing I may have some hangups?
  30. I am allowed to have standards to which others must adhere. Everyone else must love me for who I am.
  31. Use "teachable moments" to completely humiliate opponents and hurl insults at them. 
  32. Get Tumblr.
  33. Get Twitter.
  34. Put a dog or cat ears filter over all of my profile pics. 
  35. I am never wrong. Even when I am wrong I am never wrong. You are just [insert "ist" here] and a bigot. 
  36. Oh, and keep using "bigot". That's a great "conversation starter."
  37. Define social justice values as vaguely as possible so as to give myself room to label anything within the realm of victimhood.
  38. Always move the goalpost of progress so that any changes brought on by social justice will still  never be enough. 

If you are not adhering to these standards of the SJW, then you are not an SJW but a racist, transphobic, misogynistic, ableist, ageist, homophobic misandrist-- whoop, not "misandrist" because that's about men and *blech we don't talk about their issues.

Okay, I'm done.

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