Monday, August 17, 2015

Short Rant: Bitch Behind the Cash Register

1. I said "Hi" when I walked up. Don't be sucking your teeth at me like I just asked you to pay for my groceries.

2. Okay, stop slamming my Atkins meal on the scanner. It ain't scanning. Use those same fingers to run that shit up that you just used to text somebody NOT in line waiting for your ass to ring his shit up.

3. Yes, I have coupons. You think I'm not about to get 30% off on peaches just because you have to do the hard job of running the coupon over the scanner? 

4. Sigh as loud as you want to, bitch behind me... it's gonna take as long as it takes. I put the divider down for you... my charity and goodwill is done for the day.

5. Well, damn, I'm not asking you to Mary Poppins all over the place, but I don't need to see the manifestation of every wrong decision you ever made in your life displayed in that mean ass mug you're giving me. I didn't make you work here.

6. So you're just going to put my eggs in the same bag as my cantaloupe? Great. Not even gonna double bag it... some good customer service there.

7. Hey, bitch behind me. If you're gonna keep sighing all loud, pick up some of those breath mints by the candy because your breath is making my neck hairs curl up.

8. Yes, bitch... they are Fleet enemas. I have fleet enemas. You know what they are for. They are going up my ass later. I didn't ask you to come home with me and shove it up there, so don't worry about my anal hygiene... looking at me, judging... do you see where you are?

9. Really? You can't make change for a hundred dollar bill? It came out to $75.25... that's a twenty, four singles, and three quarters back in change. Counterfeit? Oh, hell no!! You either take this c-note, or you can put ALL this shit back on each aisle, because I'm just gonna walk out the front door.

10. Oh look atcha, bitch behind me. As soon as I turn around and give your ass some attention, you look away like it wasn't you I've been hearing the past two minutes huffing and puffing like you're in some rush. I don't care if you only have gum and a lean cuisine in your hand... I WAS HERE FIRST!!! Take your lazy ass over to the express lane... 15 items or less, bitch!!!

(Knowing good and damn well, after that shit is gone, she'll be sighing loud at the person in front of her at Arby's)

Okay, I'm done. 

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