Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Long Rant: The Transparency of "Fat-Shaming"

I need to lose some weight and I know it. At some point, a bit of soul-searching and mirror facing needs to be done and us big-bodied individuals need to stop trying to guilt others into being ashamed of not finding bigger people attractive... especially when a lot of us don't even find ourselves attractive.

On one hand, there is an impossibly vain and superficial body image standard perpetuated by media, but if we were honest for two freaking seconds, we'd realize that that standard only exists in a small subsection of an elite world to which we don't belong anyway and shouldn't even want to belong.

How many times do you hear bigger men/women with a public image advocating to love the skin you're in, but then they turn around and start losing weight? Because there's a difference between loving yourself and promoting an unhealthy lifestyle -- and miss me with that "My thyroid glands" or "I'm just naturally big" bullshit, because the thousands of you chowing down on 20 piece chicken nuggets and greasy fries have only one problem and if you closed that problem more often, you'd be smaller.

I say this because I am a fatty myself. Someone who has struggled with his weight all of his life and is tired of letting excuses and time and his own mind psych him out of doing what is right for him... losing weight. Not only for my health but for my relationships. No one should feel ashamed of the fact that they are not attracted to someone who is incredibly overweight or obese. Why would I get to have these standards for what I want aesthetically and then demand that any potential suitor be able to see beyond my flaws, when I won't? 

And please don't misconstrue what I say: You can be attracted or not attracted to whatever you want, but there is definitely a way in which to convey that message, and saying shit like "I hate fat people" or "No fatties" on online dating profiles is not only in poor taste but simply shows how uneducated you are that you can't convey that in a mature manner... or just not say it at all.

Weight ain't the only problem, though, be it a fat or skinny person. If you think losing or gaining weight will solve everything, you are wrong. If that were the case, it would have been the end of it for me the first time I reached my ideal weight... but, it wasn't. Not dealing with the real issue at hand caused me to gain that weight right back, and then some, releasing the old rolodex of excuses that plagued me in the teen years.

We're not disgusting, we're not blobs of pudding and flesh, we're not whales or hippos or elephants that don't deserve love or to be respected as human beings. But we're also not skinny... we don't have the bodies to wear certain things (but we may have the confidence, which in some instances can be a transcendentally sexy beast), and not many people look at us as being attractive... and that's okay. A few things bother me about the wave of fat acceptance in our media and it is this:

1. We often see unhealthy bodies being portrayed as "real" or something that should be ideally valued.

2. The ones who are on the "plus size" spectrum often want the ideal body type that everyone else desires. It's a tad bit hypocritical, as far as I'm concerned.

Now, I personally have always been one for proportion. I have always liked a guy whose body was even all around, regardless of his size. There are features I am more attracted to, but if everything is in line, I love it, big or small or black or white or anything else. 

I also know that there are things I need to work on in myself in order to love myself, and that means getting off my ass and losing this weight, and for all of the right reasons. Not to get some guy per se, but to have who I am on the inside match who I am on the outside. To make sure my health is in the right place and that cheeseburgers does not trump a long and active life. To stop taking pictures from an angle or avoid going out because I am ashamed of how much weight I have gained.

I'm not looking to be accepted by the pretty and thin people... I am looking to be accepted by myself. I'm an atheist, but the serenity prayer -- minus the God crap -- is a great  mantra to live by: You can accept the things that you cannot change, but you can also change the things that you can and have the wisdom to know the difference. Barring some drastic health crisis, there is no reason that one could not lose weight if they wanted to.

Bottom line is this: If you're overweight and you wonder why some svelt model isn't giving you the time of day, wonder why you're not giving another big person the time of day. If you as a big person won't even look at big people as ideal mates, why should someone look at you as one ?

Okay, I'm done. 

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