Thursday, November 20, 2014

Reading Time: The Real Housewives of Atlanta

The new season is underway... and gurrrl, shit's getting hot from the start. For once, Phaedra's boring ass is the hot story of the season, what with Apollo's recent "mishaps" and the subsequent end of what I would call a marriage that was a little too good-looking for my liking to begin with (Let Facebook tell you, babe: people who try to make everything seem perfect have the most dirt just billowing underneath the surface). Let us begin with each Housewife:

Nene Leakes

Photo Source: Internet
This is clearly her last season (or it needs to be) because it is obvious she is not a part of the fold anymore, and what that equates to is watching her work the Z circuit of whatever the fuck she's doing now, all while making it seem like it's a still "Move over, Meryl Streep"... bitch, please. She's barely had 5 minutes on camera (I'm live blogging as I type) and I'm already sick of her; needless to say the bad taste from last season is still in my mouth. Aside from watching her transform into a drag queen -- or at least more of one than she already looks -- her presence was meh, and quite frankly, it was like foam on a pumpkin spice latte: it adds flavor, but not necessary overall.

Phaedra Parks

Photo Source: Internet 
Phaedra won my heart over with that MOAR (Mother of All Reads) she put on Kenya Moore's ass last year (although many saw it as tacky and condemning of mothers who do use artificial insemination; catch your feelings, y'all), and quite frankly, it's about time we see the real Parks that has been hiding behind that pretentious mask of "elegance" and "poise" she tries so hard to push on us. And now with the fallout from Apollo's misdeeds and her apparent "ignorance" to his endeavors (Mack Daddy of side eyes from me), The Parks-Nida finally have front billing, if only for a few month until we don't care anymore. I will say that she brought up some good points that make me think that there is a possibility that she was not as abreast of Apollo's crimes. I mean, she was saying what a lot of us were saying: How are you going to come down on her for not being there for you when your ass was the one doing wrong, putting her career at risk and then not thinking about your two young sons? In any case, I was not feeling Mr. Nida and his pity party... but damn, he can still get it... and he might be getting it now, if you get my drift.

Cynthia Bailey

Photo Source: Internet 
Ugh. I am not feeling the new Cynthia at all. First of all, being sudden BFF's with Kenya Moore of all people makes me cringe, especially considering that it is no secret that Kenya is like a dog on the back of the porch, waiting for the dinner scraps to be thrown outside. And for somebody who was claiming to have moved on and turned a new chapter in her life with the ending of her friendship with Nene Leakes, she sure as hell can't keep "Leakes" off of her lips. And of course, now her husband/freeloading anchor Peter is looking for her money, and she's just too dim to exist.. talking about her marriage is better since her friendship with Nene ended... bye, Felicia. Your marriage is still rocky and your husband still sees you as a meal ticket and co-signer. Although, I will say it's kind of nice to see Cynthia be a little more vocal, it's more off putting to hear her resort to the cheap barbs and insults that the likes of Nene and Kenya resort to. I've always regarded Cynthia as the classy housewife, but I guess when the consensus is that you're boring with nothing to offer the show, you'll turn up the ratchet factor to get some cred (worked for Rasheeda and Kirk on Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta).

Kandi Burruss

Photo Source: Internet
Kandi needs her own damn spinoff, ASAP. She also needs better management and producers behind her when it comes to big productions, but that's none of my business. Where Phaedra and Apollo shine this year is where Kandi, her now husband Todd, and Mama Joyce did last year: bringing the drama. With just one episode into the new season, I didn't see much going on, except newlyweds getting into the swing of things. Plus, it was nice reminding many of us why we love Kandi in the first place: not only was she a great friend, she is point blank a real bitch. Even with Phaedra, she let her know that she was there for her, but at the same time said that if it were her in that situation, she would support her husband. Seriously, I cannot wait for the season to play out with the rest of Kandi's supporting cast... give her a spinoff, Bravo (You gave one to Kim's milquetoast ass and all she does is put on wigs and push out kids).

Kenya Moore

Photo Source: Internet
How many seasons has she been on? I'm still confused as to what the fuck she actually contributes to this show, other than to make me wonder if her being added to the cast was when Real Housewives of Atlanta went full-on ratchet? Yes, she was entertaining for the first season she came, but honestly, her entire time on the show has been incredibly negative and self-serving.

And also, she just screams "scavenger" (going back to the "dog at the back of the porch" comment regarding Cynthia). I mean, I don't even have to ask if I'm the only one who notices how Kenya just swoops in after Nene chops certain people from her circle. How she became friends with Marlo after Nene unfriended her? And now with Cynthia? Bye, bitch.. you aren't fooling anyone. And then the previews with her and Apollo once again rehashing this 2012 sexting/texting/did-they-or-didn't-they bullshit? Girl, please get you a storyline of your own because this is just pathetic. One more thing: please cut the crap. I'm not saying they [Apollo and Kenya] fucked, but if somebody else said it, I'd have to agree.

Porsha Williams

Photo Source: Internet
*crickets chirping*

Whoops, my bad. Forgot about her demotion. I will say seeing her in that bathing suit...damn. If I wasn't gay...

Okay, I'm not gonna lie: I was a little bored with this episode, mainly because what with everything that happened in the media after the reunion, I figured that the first episode back would be exhilarating. The previews, however, give me hope, especially with the two new housewives. I'm seeing a lot of Claudia Jordan in the preview trailers, but not with the other one, Demetria McKinney. I'm guessing it's because Claudia is looking messy as all hell, what with her pushing up on Porsha's ex, Kordell Stewart, and the apparent friction she is having with Nene and Phaedra. Plus, she's friends with Kenya, so I hate her already. But I'll damn sure be watching.

Ratchet asses.

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