Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Gay Truth Time: Why Are So Many Gay Men Attracted to Straight Men?

That is a damn fine looking man, huh? If you've seen X-Men, Swordfish, or some of the godawful movies of his that I would rather not think about, you know that this is a man that is rugged, masculine and oozing with natural sex appeal. He's also secure in his sexuality and isn't afraid of a little man action (the fact that this was on a Russian television show has taken on an ironic form of its own... fuck Russia). It's because of this that he has been in the headlights of many a gay man and has caused gay rumors to swirl around him for years, which is something his wife no longer appreciates, and quite frankly I don't blame her. Don't lie, gay men... we do this a lot. There is something about the Colin Farrells, the Michael B. Jordans, the Jake Gyllenhaals, the Zayn Maliks, Harry Styles, Liam Pay- okay, all of those little 1D fuckers- that just sends so many gay men into a frenzy of "are they or aren't they?". So why is the forbidden fruit that is the hetero male so tantalizing?

Wanting What You Can't Have

"I wish I could quit you...", but I can't because goddammit if I don't find you so damn irresistible; and the fact that you're unavailable makes me want you even more. Don't even lie like you haven't thought like this, guys. At one point, we have all fantasized about having that straight guy, even though we knew he was straight and there was virtually no chance in hell of anything happening. And then there are those proverbial gay guys we can't have but don't want, but then suddenly want them when we see them with someone else. The way I see it, it is human nature to want what you can't have because forbidden fruit just looks sweeter, even though sometimes it can be a huge disappointment. But I can say that wanting a straight guy that you know you'll never have is a bit of an open invitation to emotional masochism...talk about a literal trivial pursuit and not just of the game variety.

We Like A Challenge.

 I can only attest to my own personal experiences with this statement, but to me, one of the reasons why some of us lust after straight men is because in our minds, we think that we can "convert them". And by "convert them", I mean make them realize that they are in fact gay, or in some cases, think it for so long you begin to think it is a confirmed fact. There are just some men (cough cough Jesse Williams from Grey's Anatomy cough) that we wish would just come the fuck out already, even though there is no inclination of them being attracted to the same sex. Then, there are those like Illinois Congressman/anti-LGBT bigoted homophobe/alleged closet case Arron Schock, who we'd out in a heartbeat if we could just to expose his hypocrisy; not even a twinge of hope that asshat will change his ways. Ultimately, though, we let movies, adult entertainment, and closet cases, who proclaim up and down that they are straight when they are not, cloud our judgment and some of us begin to think that we can seriously convert a guy or make him realize he's gay. Imagine if a woman tried to make you straight... would you find it flattering? I mean, we argue that who we are is not a choice, and it's not. We are fortunate here in America, but in other places in the world where being gay is a capital crime, who would dare choose to be gay? There is no choosing, gay or straight, so don't just assume every straight guy is bi-curious, and you're that one that can "break him in", so to speak.

Wishful Thinking

Maybe sometimes, you want what you can't have, or you assume that he's just in the closet and needs to be nudged out..and into your bed. And sometimes, you just really really want the guy to be gay. You'll study his every move, interpreting the slightest of things to read into it what you want. Are his lips pressed too tightly together in this picture? It looks a little suspect. Why is he staring at me like that and smiling? We're sitting close together on the couch...our thighs are touching. He's gonna ravage me in two minutes. Wake up!!! If you haven't figured it out by now, pining over a dude that doesn't want you, in any context, is not only a waste of time but is a deterrent from the real guys out there that might want you. The one thing I realized when I found myself being attracted to straight men was that it often allowed me to act out my natural and sexual attraction without being rejected. After all, I knew I would never be with the straight guy, so I would pine over him while shutting out the guys I could have, due to my own hangups about my sexuality. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you find yourself attracted to straight men because you are working out some internalized fear of intimacy with someone you actually could have? Of, course, that was only a subset of my problem. My real problem, and final point, is this:

Sometimes We Have A Type That Straight Men Fit

My type of guy is rugged, who knows how to play sports, and is a little rough around the edges. Not like a thug or belongs to a gang or has been in and out of prison. I mean someone who knows how to play hard, fight hard and love hard. Facial hair is also a big turn on to me, too, and I'll find myself being enamored with a guy with a full scruffy beard wrapped around his sexy, puffy pink/red lips. The thing is, my personality tends to lean towards straight men, namely because I notice that I share a lot more hobbies with them, like football, watching sports on TV, and just things that are more catered to macho guys. It's only been recently that I've noticed other gay men shared the same interests as me (thank you OKCupid) but even still, because of my personality and my set type, I found myself being attracted to certain straight guys who fit that mold. It was pure torture, mind you. But it's not just about masculine or feminine gay guys. There are just those guys, who are everything you look for in a guy, but nature decides to give you a big eff you and make the guy straight. Now, if you're one of those guys whose type is abusive, homophobic and so closeted that if he was gay, he'd only call you at 3 in the morning when his other booty calls fell through, you need to take long hard look in the mirror, and reexamine your priorities in life.

That's my opinion of some of the reasons we as gay guys tend to be attracted to straight men. Naturally, every person has their own subjective experiences and may have different reasons for being attracted to an unavailable man. Maybe you got your wires crossed... maybe he is gay and is hiding his sexuality... maybe he led you on unknowingly (or knowingly) and you fell prey to his swagger... or maybe Johnny All-Man is just the man of your dreams, but also happens to be the man of your sister's best friend, Sarah. This by no means is scientific and is just me poking fun at us as gay men who want our own little Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss...seriously, if you haven't seen that movie please do. It's the only thing with Sean Hayes in it that didn't make my skin crawl.

Okay, I'm done.

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