Friday, January 17, 2014

Gay Sex: The Myths

No one knows the importance of sex better than someone who hasn't had any in over a year. Gasp... yes. Me, a gay man, has not had sex in over a year. Am I celibate? Not by choice. Am I abstaining from sex until I find the right guy? Not really... I just haven't ran into the right guy or one that didn't come across as truck stop creepy, or had the kind of vibe that made you wonder if you should back away slowly and take off like a bat out of hell. This brings to mind some things I have heard about gay men in particular, and our sexual escapades.



Number 1. Gay men are sexually promiscuous

Well, no shit. We're men... and men in general are sexually promiscuous, including our heterosexual counterparts. True to form, though, many will focus only on one subset of the demographic that justifies their confirmation bias while ignoring all other facets, including their own groups who embody everything they preach against, but are straight while doing it. Many, mainly the anti-gay bunch, like to tote around bogus surveys and pseudo-scientific research that backs up their assertions that not only are gay men dangerously sexually active, but that we are intrinsically reckless and are a threat to society with our wanton lust and propensity for spreading HIV and AIDS. And while it is true that gay men are more likely to be infected with HIV and AIDS (with African American women close behind in those statistics), to fear monger and reduce gay sex to some disease spreading act is the true act of terror.


Number 2. Anal sex is all gay men can do with each other.

Okay, not only is that not true, it is an irrelevant point... why? Because even if all we did was engage in anal sex, that wouldn't mean it was all that we could do. There are many gay male couples who do not engage in anal sex and yet can lead perfectly normal sex lives. Believe it or not, there are some of us, gay and straight, who are just fine not having penetrable sex. Sometimes, a good Blowsephine Jobski or some sensual grinding can do the trick. Worked for me all through high school.

Number 3. Gay sex hurts. 

First of all, "gay sex" is a term I am beginning to despise as it somehow implies that what we do is any different than what straight people do. It's basically the same, except we are two people of the same sex doing it. But I digress. As anyone will tell you, when it comes to sex, if you don't know what you're doing, it will hurt. That is just a given that I can attest to when I had my first full on gay experience. He didn't know what he was doing, and neither did I... and your behind is the last place you want to do the whole "practice makes perfect" routine. So know what you are doing beforehand and you will not have any problems with anal sex... or oral sex for that matter.



Number 4. Lesbians can only do oral.

I wasn't about to forget my ladies. Now as a gay man who has watched lesbian porn (the fake straight shit and the real lesbian porn for lesbians) I can assure you, oral is not the only thing lesbians can do. I think lesbians probably get more questions about how they have sex than us gay men, and I believe that is because of our "plumbing." It's easy to envision what men can do with penises, i.e. sword fighting, rubbing sticks together, two elephant trunks fighting over a peanut... you like that visual, homophobes? Anyway, while you'll be hard pressed to find a lesbian who does not enjoy oral sex (giving or receiving). But, you should not assume that it's all they do or can do. And speaking of "all they do", this brings me to my last myth about gay sex.



Number 5. Sex is all gay people have to define themselves. 

If you're having trouble figuring out what I mean by that, look no further than some of the largest opponents of gay marriage, gay rights, and those boycotting anything with the word "gay" in it that isn't describing clothes in a Christmas carol. They are absolutely obsessed with how we have sex... Uganda and the Middle East, much? Get it straight (no pun intended): our sex lives are only one aspect of who we are. Even if we as members of the LGBT community never had sex, we'd still be who we are. Or is it only you and your ilk that can still maintain your personal identity when you aren't locked in sweaty coitus with your opposite sex partner? I often wonder how many people, upon discovering that I am gay, immediately jump to thoughts of my sexual activity? Is that why some of you say "what you do in the bedroom is none of my business", even though I just said "I'm gay", not "I'm gay... and here's a video and slideshow presentation to prove it"? Despite popular opinion, most of us are not going around trying to sleep with anything that walks, aren't thinking of sex on a constant basis, aren't roaming around spreading diseases and plagues throughout the land, and have no problem getting down and dirty just like everyone else while still being safe. I mean, come the hell on, people, it's 2014, not 214 BCE. If you're that damn curious about our sexual activity, research it... go to Pornhub -- which is probably bookmarked on your browser -- and go exploring. It's better than asking a bunch of invasive questions, and who knows? Maybe it'll awaken something in you and you can just go fuck a guy and get it out of your system, huh, Santorum?

Okay, I'm done.


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